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INFERTILITY

  I never thought that I would actually have to go through this.   I always worried about it even as a little girl, I just never imagined i would actually suffer from it.

" You're just 20 ", the doctors say.  "You still have time,  what's the rush " , "finish college first ", " Why do you even want kids right now?" "You're overweight that's why you aren't getting pregnant".  Those are the things I am told when i try to reach out for help.

  Febuary 9th will be two years of trying for my husband and i.  It's heartbreaking,  and it just isn't fair.  But life isn't fair. 

  Somedays I'm fine, actually most days I'm fine.  But there are days when i let sadness, anger, jealousy and bitterness consume my mind.  I try not too.  I hate those feelings and it makes me feel like I am a horrible person for feeling that way.

  These past 2 years I've watched so many friends get blessed with what we were trying so hard to have.  Some are even on their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th child.  And while I am so happy for them i can't help but to be a little jealous of them. 

  On another note, it makes me happy.  I get to watch the girls I grew up with being amazing mothers, and handling life like a boss no matter what curve balls are thrown at them.  I'm proud of each and every one of them.  But i can't wait to join their club.   The mommy club. 

  On more occasions then i wish to admit i find myself very bitter.  Thinking thoughts such as " Why does god give people children who can't care for them, yet it's so hard for us".  It's difficult to understand.  And it makes me very frustrated.  But he has a plan, and his timing is always right. 

  I've promised myself I'm not going to let infertility consume my life this year,  and I'm not.   I'm going to enjoy life with my husband.  Enjoy our new home,  attend college, take a vacation,  relax.   But I'm also gonna seek help to find out what is preventing us from starting our family.....

INFERTILITY SUCKS!

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