Skip to main content

INFERTILITY

  I never thought that I would actually have to go through this.   I always worried about it even as a little girl, I just never imagined i would actually suffer from it.

" You're just 20 ", the doctors say.  "You still have time,  what's the rush " , "finish college first ", " Why do you even want kids right now?" "You're overweight that's why you aren't getting pregnant".  Those are the things I am told when i try to reach out for help.

  Febuary 9th will be two years of trying for my husband and i.  It's heartbreaking,  and it just isn't fair.  But life isn't fair. 

  Somedays I'm fine, actually most days I'm fine.  But there are days when i let sadness, anger, jealousy and bitterness consume my mind.  I try not too.  I hate those feelings and it makes me feel like I am a horrible person for feeling that way.

  These past 2 years I've watched so many friends get blessed with what we were trying so hard to have.  Some are even on their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th child.  And while I am so happy for them i can't help but to be a little jealous of them. 

  On another note, it makes me happy.  I get to watch the girls I grew up with being amazing mothers, and handling life like a boss no matter what curve balls are thrown at them.  I'm proud of each and every one of them.  But i can't wait to join their club.   The mommy club. 

  On more occasions then i wish to admit i find myself very bitter.  Thinking thoughts such as " Why does god give people children who can't care for them, yet it's so hard for us".  It's difficult to understand.  And it makes me very frustrated.  But he has a plan, and his timing is always right. 

  I've promised myself I'm not going to let infertility consume my life this year,  and I'm not.   I'm going to enjoy life with my husband.  Enjoy our new home,  attend college, take a vacation,  relax.   But I'm also gonna seek help to find out what is preventing us from starting our family.....

INFERTILITY SUCKS!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bitterness with infertility

It can be hard.  Really really hard.  Most days are fine.  You can cope with your childless void, and exist in every day life with a smile and truly be happy for your friends and family with children.  With pregnancy announcements and baby showers.  Most days I'm happy for them.  Excited with them even.    BUT then there are the days I miss my period.  I'll go months being completely regular and then out of no where I miss.  For no reason.  I wait a week after i miss my period to take a pregnancy test, just to be safe to make sure af doesn't show her ugly stupid face.  I imagine myself telling jared we are pregnant, us telling our parents, doing a gender reveal,  having a baby shower,  ultrasounds, heck I even picture myself with a big ole pregnant belly.   But the catch? Test is always negative.  I'm never pregnant,  even when i miss.  Never.  It's just a sick game my body plays with my...
Post a Comment
Read more

An open letter to myself in 10 years

  Dear Megan,   I'm writing you to reflect on our life.  Together.  I mean we are the same person, but I'm sure 30 year old me differs from the 20 year old me that is writing this at this very moment.  It's crazy huh? How time flies.... how life changes in just the blink of an eye.   I want to start this out by saying, whoever you are now... I AM PROUD OF YOU!  I'm sure the past 10 years have been full of ups and downs, but you made it through! We made it through.  I'm sure whatever you have made of your self, of your life... is wonderful.   But either way, I want to let you know my hopes and dreams for you at 30 years old.  Here it goes:     I hope you are living life to the fullest, and living in the moment making memories with those you love the most.  I hope you are still happily married, and keeping things spicey and fun.  I hope you finally got to become a mom.  I know thats one of our  bi...
Post a Comment
Read more

A letter to the girl I was 5 years ago

  Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's been 5 years.  15 doesn't seem that far off.   But that's how life is.... time passes us by,  things change, and life goes on.  15 was a crazy year, huh? There Was bad,  and there was good.   I can still remember that year like it was yesterday.  I'm sure I'll never forget it, as that year was a very impactful year for me.  I turned 15 on January 28th 2013.  The beginning of that year was pretty normal for me.  I was a freshman at Eastern High School, Skinny,  Pretty,  Carefree, Lots of friends,  but tender hearted and naive.   I went to parties frequently (that my parents had no idea about) and I was pretty much your typical average teenage  girl.  Until my best friend since middle school betrayed me and all of my secrets.  I was embarrassed, I was alone, and suicidal.   I ended up enrolling in Ecot for homeschooling because I was j...
Post a Comment
Read more